Helping Your Anxious Child: Tools and Tips for Parents
I have a bit of a... let's call it a strong discomfort with birds. It’s been there for as long as I can remember. You know those black birds in the grocery store parking lot? Yeah, I avoid those like the plague. And if I hear the sound of wings flapping, I practically jump out of my skin. For as long as I can remember, birds scare me.
Now, my kids, being the lovely teenagers they are, think this is hilarious. They love to point out any bird nearby just to watch me get nervous. Not too long ago, one of them finally asked, 'Mom, why are you so scared of birds?' The question got me thinking, and I remembered a moment from my childhood.
I was about three or four years old, and my mom took me to a park with a pond to feed the ducks. We had a bag of old bread and crumbs. I was having a great time, tossing pieces of bread to the ducks, when a huge swan spotted my bag. It came out of the water with determination. It wanted that bread, and it came after me, full speed ahead. I remember running, screaming, while clutching that bag like it was my lifeline. My mom? Oh, she was laughing. Because, you know, back then, if something didn’t kill us, it was funny to our parents!
It wasn’t until recently that I made the connection – my fear of birds likely started with that big flapping swan. It’s funny how those early experiences can stick with us, and sometimes we don’t even realize how much they shape our fears and anxieties later in life.
However, anxiety isn’t always rational. It doesn’t always make sense why something triggers fear, especially for kids. But understanding the roots of our fears – whether it’s birds or something else – is a huge step toward managing it. And just like how I’ve learned to manage (and laugh at) my bird phobia, we can help our kids navigate their anxieties too, with patience, understanding, and maybe even a little humor along the way.
Anxiety in children is more common than you might think. It shows up in all sorts of ways—difficulty sleeping, trouble focusing, irritability, or even physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches. As a therapist specializing in child and teen anxiety, I see these struggles every day, and as a mom, I know firsthand how confusing it can feel when your child is overwhelmed.
So, let’s talk about some tools that can help you support your anxious child, starting with how to recognize the signs.
Recognizing the Signs of Anxiety in Children
Children don’t always have the words to describe their feelings, so their anxiety often shows up in ways you might not expect. Some common signs include:
Avoidance of activities or social situations
Frequent meltdowns or tantrums over small things
Sleep disturbances like nightmares or difficulty falling asleep
Clinginess or trouble separating from parents
Excessive worrying, even about things that seem small or irrational
If these behaviors sound familiar, it may be time to step in with some strategies to help your child manage their anxiety.
5 Strategies to Help Your Anxious Child
Here are some simple, effective ways you can help your child cope with anxiety:
1. Create a Calm, Predictable Environment
Children with anxiety thrive in environments that feel safe and predictable. Try to create a consistent routine at home and give them plenty of notice if plans are going to change. Knowing what’s coming next can reduce uncertainty and ease anxious feelings.
2. Validate Their Feelings
It’s important to let your child know that their anxiety is real, even if it doesn’t always make sense to you. Avoid saying things like, “There’s nothing to worry about.” Instead, acknowledge their fears by saying something like, “I see that you’re feeling really nervous about this. It’s okay to feel that way.”
3. Practice Relaxation Techniques Together
Simple breathing exercises or mindfulness practices can help your child calm down when they’re feeling overwhelmed. A good starter technique is “balloon breathing”—have them imagine they’re blowing up a big balloon, taking deep, slow breaths in and out. This helps them slow their heart rate and focus on something other than their worries. Try introducing these exercises during a time when they are not overwhelmed and practice together.
4. Help Them Face Their Fears
It’s natural to want to protect your child from anything that makes them anxious, but completely avoiding situations can make anxiety worse in the long run. Instead, encourage them to face their fears in small steps. For example, if your child is scared of sleeping alone, try staying in the room for a few minutes, then gradually reduce the time you stay until they can fall asleep on their own
5. Model Healthy Coping Strategies
Kids are always watching us, even when we don’t realize it. If they see you managing your stress and anxiety in healthy ways—like talking about your feelings, practicing self-care, or using calming techniques—they’re more likely to follow your lead. You can even do these activities together!
What Not to Do When Your Child Is Anxious
While it’s important to know what to do, it’s just as crucial to understand what can make anxiety worse. Here are some common mistakes to avoid:
1. Don’t Minimize Their Anxiety
Saying things like “It’s not a big deal” or “There’s nothing to be scared of” might seem like you’re being reassuring, but it can actually make your child feel like their feelings don’t matter. Instead, focus on validating their emotions, even if the cause of their anxiety seems small to you.
2. Don’t Avoid Anxiety Triggers
It’s tempting to let your child skip out on anxiety-provoking situations, like a birthday party or a sleepover, but avoidance teaches them that the only way to cope is by running away from their fears. This can make anxiety worse over time. Encourage small, manageable steps toward facing their fears instead.
3. Don’t Punish or Shame Them for Their Anxiety
It’s important to recognize that anxiety is not a choice, and shaming or punishing them for feeling anxious can lead to even more stress, guilt, and low self-esteem.
4. Don’t Over-Schedule Them
Sometimes, kids feel anxious because they’re overwhelmed by too many activities or responsibilities. Make sure your child has plenty of downtime to relax and unwind. It’s okay to say no to extra commitments if it’s adding unnecessary stress to their life.
5. Don’t Ignore Your Own Stress
If you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed, your child will likely pick up on it. Make sure you’re taking care of your own mental health so that you can model healthy coping skills for your child. It’s okay to ask for help if you need it—self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary!
When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your child’s anxiety may feel overwhelming. If anxiety starts to disrupt daily life, it could be a sign that extra support is needed. This might include frequent meltdowns, excessive worries that don’t seem to improve, or if your child is avoiding, withdrawing, or isolating themselves more than usual—these can all be red flags that something deeper is going on.
Therapy or counseling provides a safe space for kids to explore their feelings and develop coping skills with the help of a trained professional. It’s important to remember that therapy isn’t just for extreme cases—early intervention can prevent anxiety from worsening over time.
At Reach Counseling, we specialize in supporting children and teens struggling with anxiety. If your child’s anxiety is affecting their daily life—whether at school, with friends, or during family time—it might be a good idea to reach out for professional support. Learn more about how we help individuals with anxiety here: Counseling For Anxiety, and how we use play therapy to support younger children here: Play Therapy.
Final Thoughts
Remember, anxiety is something we all experience at some point in our lives, and for children, those feelings can be particularly intense. But with the right tools and a supportive environment, you can help your child navigate these big emotions and feel more in control.
If you’re concerned about your child’s anxiety or want to learn more about how therapy can help, feel free to contact us at Reach Counseling. We’re here to support you and your family!
